


dark before the dawn

by turboemo



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Healing, Light Angst, M/M, Mid-Timeskip, Self-Hatred, affection and care basically, dimitri is a mess, its very light, no beta we die like Glenn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-12-09 11:33:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20994128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turboemo/pseuds/turboemo
Summary: Dimitri won't get a break from his nightmares. Fear and guilt haunt him during the night. He hasn't slept in days.But Dedue is back now. He understands him better than anyone, so he won't let the prince wither in the dark of his mind.





	dark before the dawn

**Author's Note:**

> hello c:
> 
> this my first time actually finishing a fic in english! i just really love those two so i wrote the simplest of things but hope you enjoy it anyways
> 
> english is not my native language so there are probably mistakes but it was fun trying this :D

In dark halls, cold stone walls had been painted red.

Already used to the darkness, Dimitri's eyes were locked on the person standing next to him. Not too far behind, the metallic echoes of armor reached their ears, screams tearing at angry, desperate throats. He could hear the footsteps approaching them, somehow following the rhythm of his own nervous and rapid heart beating.

Dedue walked towards the sound, firmly holding an axe in his battered hands. Barely holding up— panting heavily, Dimitri slowly turned around, so he could look at his companion, tell him to run away with him. He now was, after all, the only glimmer of hope in his so-called life. Maybe if they escaped together, maybe the voices echoing in his mind would go quiet.

The metallic clashing of weapons hit Dimitri's ears harshly and very closely, sparks flying through the air. Weakly, his thoughts vanished as he slowly blinked, fighting his weary state. He saw Dedue in front of him, repelling swift attacks of many soldiers. Swords flying at him, shining in the dusk, sinking into dark skin. Dedue's blood, running through the blinding silver of imperial blades. It was now his friend's blood the one painting the cold stone walls.

All of his strenght seemed to come back in a sudden rush. The blond prince held his lance, raised it up and ran towards his enemies. He opened his mouth and let out an almost inhuman shriek, filled with anger and pain. Time seemed to slow down around Dimitri as he slashed through the imperials, his lance completely stained red and his thundering voice clawing at the hearts of his enemies, resonating throughout the dungeon halls.

His vision had gone blurry and dizzy, tinted red.

Once he came back to reality, he was breathless, standing over a pile of lifeless bodies, bloodied and indistinguishable. Looking at the floor, he heard footsteps slowly approaching him and sighed. Dimitri opened his mouth to speak, throat hurting. Yet, it was not his own voice the one he heard.

“Your Highness!”

It all happened in barely a second. Dimitri, shaken, looked up to see a trembling soldier swinging his blade at him. The rush was over, however, and his body was back to being weary and tired, heavy on his lance, supporting him where he stood. The prince couldn't find the strenght to move, nor was his body responding.

Blood splashing beneath feet, it was just in an instant that Dedue ran to his aid, fiercely stopping the blow with his own body. In just an instant, blade and axe crossed their paths, finding a way into vulnerable skin, plunging into its warmth, sinking deeply; blood flowing.

The imperial soldier, already badly injured, fell to the floor. But so did Dedue.

Dimitri desperately let go of his lance and ran to Dedue. Staining his cold, trembling hands with warm blood, he held his body in his arms. The sword had cut through his chest.

He had hoped to hear some last words, a whisper: anything, to prove he still breathed. But the hallway fell silent as the warmth of Dedue's body gradually faded.

“It is their fate” A ghost whispered into his ear, cunningly.

Icy cold caressed his cheeks, covered with washed up blood.

“To die for you.”

“For you to avenge us.”

“It is the price you must pay to live.”

Words echoed in his mind and crawled into his heart, nesting into the deepest part of his being.

It had been their home all along, after all.

* * *

Dimitri woke up in a cold sweat, almost breathless.

He blinked, realizing where he was. His body was cold, lying on soft sheets, a familiar bed bathed under the gentle moonlight. Trembling hands reached for his wet cheeks, wiping away tears he didn't know he'd cried.

Despite all these years, despite everything that had happened, this room had remained almost identical. It knew nothing of the passage of time, knew nothing of how twisted the heart of the one who used to live there had finally become.

Breathing in and out, Dimitri closed his eye, trying to calm his heart and himself. Trying to forget the images that invaded his mind, ready to come back unnanounced. He tried to bask in the silence, for once.

He knew, however, it wouldn't work. He disliked being alone. Mostly, because during all these years, he never truly felt like he was alone. Haunted by ghosts, haunted by his guilt. Haunted by death itself. Dimitri could barely remember how standing still, in silence, enjoying solitude, actually felt.

He didn't want to be alone.

But after everything he had done, even all those things he couldn't recall; memories corrupted by blood and empty words of revenge, the prince didn't believe he was worthy of sympathy or affection.

So, unable to escape his own quivering thoughts and unable to lull himself back to sleep, afraid of what his own mind would put him through, Dimitri decided to go alone for a walk at night.

Bare feet gently slipped through the silent floor of the monastery, drifting down ancient stairs. Dimitri went out to the courtyard, fresh air running through his messy hair, rustling through dark leaves, disrupting the placid silence of the night. It was cold outside, but the prince didn't seem to care.

Looking up at the sky, he met the stars once again. Just like his old room, they remained unchanged. The sky remained ethereal and timeless, always looking down on them, witness to so much madness and tragedy. The same sky, the same white clouds he used to watch, calmly dancing on a blue canvas, projecting kind shadows over his face.

They were still here, kinder as ever.

Back in those days, they all looked up to the same sight, completely oblivious of what their future would bring. He wondered, for a moment, if his old classmates still looked up at the old stars and clouds, their eyes glimmering with a different light now. The prince smiled bitterly at the thought.

“Your Highness?”

A deep but gentle voice spoke, startling Dimitri. Turning back to the familiar sound, he met Dedue's worried face. He thought his heart had stopped for a moment, vision blurrying and fading to black, images from his wretched mind creeping into reality. Dedue's voice was soft, caring, genuine. Breathing into the cold of the night, travelling through the chilly air. He was right there, in front of him. Teal eyes and snowy hair, dimly glowing under the moonlight.

And yet, Dimitri could barely believe the man standing before him was not a ghost, joining the others, fated to live inside his shadow.

“It is late and cold,” Dedue looked at the sky while he spoke, words lingering on his mouth as he slowly turned to Dimitri “is everything alright?”

“I—“ The prince stuttered over his own words. “I apologize. Do not worry about me, Dedue. I was—I was just taking a walk, since I couldn't fall asleep.”

Dimitri tried, he tried so hard to keep his voice steady, but words came out weakly and shaky, his lips twitching. “How are you faring, Dedue? It has...” his voice cracked. “War has not been kind to any of us.”

“I could not sleep either. ” Dedue's voice still felt so unreal. “It has...not been easy, Your Highness. I won't lie.”

After Rodrigue's death, Dimitri had crumbled down. Guilt washing over him and stopping him right in his tracks. He didn't take care of his own life over the last five years and now; now, he felt unworthy of holding onto it. The prince had bathed in loneliness for far too long, after so many abandoned him to join the haunting choir in his nightmares.

But Dedue was here now: he'd come back to him, back from the dead. He gazed at what Dimitri had become, and the prince felt ashamed of his own existence, ashamed that such kind eyes looked at him; scrapped, broken, savage. Dimitri could barely look back. He would see the scars he got from protecting him, the scars that stained dark skin, just like blood had stained kind, caring hands.

It was his fault.

“It has been hard watching you,” Dedue gently whispered. “Suffering from a weight that should have never been yours to bear.”

Dimitri frowned in frustration as festered hatred stabbed his heart. He looked down, a dark shadow hovering over a melancholic grin.

“I do not deserve such words, Dedue.”

“I hurt you. I made you fight for me. For a beast like me.” He spit out his words, bitterly.

Dedue's eyes were now on him. But Dimitri couldn't muster the strenght to face him. Not like this.

“I chose to fight,” Dedue's voice was firm, “and I would do it again, if it meant keeping you from harm.”

“I...I am not worth fighting for,” Dimitri could just let out a weak laugh. “I am but a fool who toyed with others' lives. I spoke of revenge but I—I'm the first one that murders the ones I love. Making—Making them fight for me, for my foolish cause, for my recklessness.” The wind shook the leaves over their heads, the prince's disheveled hair flowing in the air. “I am but a monster who takes from others.”

Silence fell between the two as Dimitri slowly started to regret the words that came out of his mouth. He bit his lip and swallowed.

“Dedue, I'm sorr—“

“Dimitri.”

A loud heart beat resonated inside Dimitri's chest and, suddenly, a warm hand softly caressed his cheek.

“Please, look at me.”

Dimitri breathed in and looked back at last, feeling his own eyes growing watery once his quivering gaze met Dedue's tranquil eyes. Swimming deep into pale green, he saw tenderness, care and worry.

How could someone look at him like that? Dimitri felt the urge to look away, knowing there was possibly no way he deserved such treatment, and yet he found himself unable to muster the strenght to look away from such sincere gaze.

“You are nothing of the sort.” Dedue moved his hand away from Dimitri's face, realizing the meaning of his own action and took a deep breath. “I only wish I could have found you sooner. I...” He swallowed. “I wish I could have been there for you. So many moons...spent alone, wondering if you were even alive.” His voice trembled a bit and so did his lips. “You are a kind man, Dimitri. I am sure of that. Your heart has always proven it to me.”

Dedue's voice echoed through Dimitri's head. Right in front of him, facing him, with a gentle face and a warm soul, was the man who had always been by his side. Speaking compassionate words, as he'd always done. Speaking his name, in soft and caring whispers, giving him his humanity back with just mere words. Something he had always wished, something he now dared not to desire.

Dedue's heart had not changed in the past five years. And yet Dimitri was afraid that nothing of this could be real. His eyes, invaded by visions dirty with blood and death, his own pitiful screams, clawing at his mind. Vivid memories of crimson fingers holding cold, dead hands.

Guilt.

“I—“ Dimitri tried to speak but he choked on his own voice, holding back a sob as silent tears rolled down his face, tasting salty on his dry lips. He tried to hide his face behind his hands, cold and calloused. “I abandoned you, Dedue. I—I lived, all these years...thinking you'd died. Knowing it had been my fault.” The prince hid his mouth, biting his lips so he would stop shedding more tears.

He felt pathetic.

“Every single night, I—I saw you die in my dreams. It had turned into a memory. So now...those words, your voice, your eyes, how you speak of me; it looks closer to a dream than what I had grown used to. It...feels so feeble,” his voice was now turning into a weak whisper, his vision going blurry, his head dizzy, “I want these nightmares to end. I want you to be here. Please, tell me you are real. Please, tell me I didn't kill you. Please...I—I can't lose anyone again. I can't lose you.”

Shame bubbled up on the prince's heart as his mind started to give in to the effects of many sleepless nights and a wounded body. His voice died down on his lips and his legs went weak, the world seemed to go black as it started spinning around him. Dimitri blinked repeteadly, trying to keep his balance, seeing his warm breath floating through the air.

The headache that had been pursuing him for weeks grew unbearable, every single noise of the apparent silent night thundering into his ears, echoing in his skull. Even his own voice, a miserable sound, echoed along the rest of them.

Suddenly, two strong hands were holding him, keeping him up, despite all the trembling.

“Your Highness...you're shivering.” Suddenly, one of those hands gently touched his cheek, caressing his face carefully, reaching his forehead. “You're burning...”

“Your Highness?”

All weight left the prince's body and, finally, the silence washed away all the turmoil rampaging in his head.

“...Dimitri?”

***

His eye hurt when he tried to open it.

Still feeling a heavy weight on his chest and head, ghostly tears covering his pale skin, Dimitri finally woke up.

As he weakly gazed to the ceiling, he realized he was back into his quarters. A sharp pain struck his head when he tried to sit up in the darkness of the room, bleak silence visting him, just like every other night.

This time, however, he wasn't alone.

“How are you feeling?” A voice broke through the suffocating air that clouded the prince's mind.

Faint light, intruding the room from the window, fell on Dedue, softening his figure and face. Resting by his bed, he was sitting in a rather uncomfortable chair, wearing a serene expression on his face, one that seemed to soothe the prince's heart, if only for a little while. The sight almost seemed ethereal and so, Dimitri wondered if maybe he was dreaming again.

But it had been ages since he'd had a pleasant night.

“You fainted. I was worried so I took you to your room. Please, you need to rest,” his tone turned kind, “I will stay here if you need it.”

Dimitri vaguely remembered being carried to his room, being held, embraced in his arms while sinking into a weary sleep. His face softened as he looked at Dedue, his heart warm at the memory.

“Thank you, Dedue. I...” He swallowed and looked down. “You have always been there for me. You always take care of me...no matter how small the problem might be.”

“Of course.”

“But...” Dimitri shifted on the bed, so he could face Dedue, his naked feet brushing the cold floor of the room, “you don't have to do it, Dedue. It is not a duty, nor an obligation,” He felt tired, his voice wasn't steady either. It was hard, putting this all into words. He feared the truth behind something he believed to be affection. Something he so desperately wanted.

“You don't owe me anything. It is I the one who is indebted to you. You saved me. You risked your life for mine. And yet, after all that, I threw it into the abyss, wasting it away. It was cruel of me.” Dimitri took a deep breath, his throat dry. He was afraid, that much was true. Still, he knew this had to be done.

“I could not bear it if anything happened to you in...this senseless war. Your life is your own, Dedue. Please do not dedicate it entirely to me. I do not deserve it and...and you are as important as I am. Protect yourself first. Choose a life that will fullfil your heart. You are a person, not my vassal.” Despite the pain he was trying to hide, Dimitri fondly smiled and, after doubting for a moment, he reached for Dedue's hand, warm at the touch, calloused from work and battle. He held it as he spoke. “You are my friend, Dedue. It doesn't matter who I am in this kingdom. You...are very important to me. So...”

“I will not leave.” Dedue had been listening quietly, never letting go of Dimitri's hand. He softly squeezed it, voice hushed into a kind, intimate whisper. Dedue leaned in closer, the faint light of morning bathing in his eyes, clear and wise. Tender words brushing against Dimitri's skin. “I am here with you. Not out of duty. Not out of debt,” a nostalgic smile crossed his face, “at least, not anymore.”

The room fell silent, only their steady breathing flying through the air, heartbeats beating, together, to a similar ryththm.

“I spent a lot of time with my people during these past years. It made me happy. I...learned a lot. But,” Dimitri shivered as Dedue placed a hand on his hair, slowly tucking it behind his ear. There was doubt in the touch, but Dimitri didn't move an inch. “I somehow knew my place was not with them. I wanted to search for you, to find you. I wanted to be by your side and protect you.” He breathed in. “ Not just as a vassal.”

Dimitri closed his eye, heart beating loudly in his chest, wondering if it was okay for him to want this.

“Is it okay?”, he asked. “I want you to be happy. And I...I can't make you happy. I am too broken for that.” Dimitri furrowed his brow, trying to hold back a sob. Dedue sat there for a short while, looking at Dimitri, feeling the hurt, the hatred in his words.

Not daring to open his eye, Dimitri waited. He waited, to wake up, getting back to the reality he deserved, back into a cycle of sleepless nights that would slowly eat up his head. But he remained there, in silence, still feeling the warmth of Dedue's hand over his own.

He heard Dedue move, and then he felt a gentle hand caressing his face. Fingers carefully running through the scar of his right eye, as if the touch could heal the past.

“I am happy.” Dedue suddenly whispered. “To know that you are alive.” The prince opened his eye, locking his gaze with Dedue's. Warmth ran through his body as his heartbeat grew faster, as he started to feel like, maybe, he was alive. “I will fight, so none of us die. So we can live in a world you promised to build, a world where Duscur and Faerghus will be at peace.” He slowly placed his hand on his matted hair, moving some strands away from his face and eye. “I wish to see that new dawn by your side, Dimitri.”

Dedue was now holding both of his hands, with utmost care, just like he'd always tended to the flowers from the greenhouse. Dimitri smiled, his lips trembling and his eyes watery.

There were small, precious things like this that still reminded the prince about a past where, despite the shadows, the skies were clear. Seeing the man he had always cared about, in front of him, he thought that, perhaps, the past hadn't been lost under the debris of the war yet.

**Author's Note:**

> i feel like it ended up a bit ooc....but anyways these two.....chefs kiss...they deserve so much love and happiness, especially together
> 
> i just fell in love with dimitris characterization when i played the game...the guilt and self-hatred, i figured it would be interesting to write how, despite him getting better, he still carries the shadows with him everyday. obviously w dedue stepping in
> 
> anygays hope the dimidue love grows even stronger :D
> 
> thanks for reading!


End file.
